This is my stop

Orgasm, climax, peak, consummation…

Yes, this post is about the Big O. 

If you are uncomfortable with that topic you may want to skip this post. 

I lost my virginity at 17. It’s not a juicy tale, it’s not even interesting. I was a sheltered (extremely sheltered) young woman who had no idea what she was doing. I didn’t communicate with my partner, I didn’t even tell him he was my first. It wasn’t a great experience. It wasn’t something I wanted to tell my girlfriends about. And I sure as hell didn’t have an orgasm. 

It wasn’t until about two years later when I was living with my first serious boyfriend that I had my first climax. I had no idea what I had been missing. But unlike him, I didn’t get off every single time we made love and for some reason I was ok with that. I was in love. We were intimate. I enjoyed being with him. I didn’t know any better. We didn’t talk about our sex life, it just happened. 

Five years later I was married and in the same situation. But this time, I rarely had an orgasm. He didn’t take the time to please me, my pleasure wasn’t his priority. Sad, right? 

Once my marriage was over I found Layla Martin and I embraced the Sexy Revolution. I came to realize I was responsible for holding back my sexuality and I was determined to never be in a relationship where I wasn’t being pleased. 

When I first thought about this post I asked myself, “why the hell would any woman fake an orgasm?!” 

Don’t get me wrong, I know why we do it. We do it because we don’t want to hurt his feelings or because we are no longer in the moment and we want to see the finish line. 

But that seems counterintuitive. Not only is he going to think what he did was good enough, he has no idea what we need to meet our needs. 

My last relationship (I talk about here) ended in a mess, to say the least. On one hand, it needed to be over, he forgot how to tell the truth. On the other hand, our sex life was the best I’ve ever had. He was attentive and treated me like a queen in the bedroom. During foreplay I would be pushed so far over the top I would have to make him stop, while melting into a puddle of nothingness. He knew how to stimulate all my senses to add to my pleasure. Unfortunately, there is no way I would reconcile with him and even though I miss being worshipped in that way that path is now closed. 

So, most recently when I invited a man back to my home after a date, I was completely astounded when he undressed me, explored my body, and then made his way down before settling between my legs. He knew exactly what I needed. I was relaxed, he seemed right at home, and the buildup was incredible. My entire body ached for what I knew was coming and he delivered completely (multiple times). 

My experiences have led me to believe, it only gets better. The more comfortable you are with your body, the more pleasure you can achieve. If your man isn’t delivering talk to him, make sure he knows what you desire. 

Don’t be afraid to be verbal during foreplay and intercourse, the more you comminicate the better. And by all means, do not fake it. 

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